Putting yourself out there and asking someone on a date can feel overwhelming, no matter how confident you are. The fear of rejection is real—and it hurts for a reason. Studies show that social rejection triggers the same parts of the brain as physical pain. That’s why the idea of being turned down can make you second-guess whether you should even try.
But there’s no reason to let nerves or fear get in the way of finding a connection. The best approach is directness, honesty, and the willingness to accept whatever answer you get. Here’s how to ask someone out the right way—without making things awkward or complicated.
- Don’t overthink it. Most of us are our own worst critics. The more you obsess about how to make the perfect first move, the more likely you are to psych yourself out and miss your chance. “Don’t overthink it or make it harder than it has to be. Keep it simple. Ask if they want to have dinner or drinks,” says Dr. Kristie Overstreet, clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. Just go for it—if they say yes, great. If not, at least you haven’t wasted weeks agonizing over your approach.
- Be clear and direct. Avoid vague invitations like “Want to hang?” Instead, be specific and intentional. Try something like, “Would you like to get coffee on Saturday?” This makes your intentions clear and shows genuine interest.
- Keep it low-pressure. There’s no need for elaborate plans. You don’t have to be flashy or unique to make a good impression. Focus on making a real connection, not creating a big spectacle.
- Be yourself. It sounds like a cliché, but authenticity matters. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not to impress the other person. “Authenticity is the best game you can bring,” says relationship expert Shamyra Howard, LCSW. People want to date the real you—not a character you’ve created.
- Pay attention to their response. If you’re asking over text and get a vague answer, look for effort on their end. If they’re busy but suggest another time, they’re likely interested. If they’re noncommittal, or don’t respond after a follow-up, take the hint and move on.
- When asking in person, start with small talk. Ease into the conversation. If they engage with you, that’s a good sign. If they seem uninterested or give short answers, respect their space and don’t push.
- Respect the answer—whatever it is. If you get turned down, accept it graciously. Don’t try to convince them or “change their mind.” Respect is attractive, and persistence in the face of a clear no is not romantic—it’s inappropriate.
Ultimately, if someone wants to go out with you, they will. If not, don’t dwell on it—just move on. Every rejection gets you closer to someone who genuinely wants to spend time with you. The most important thing is to be brave, be real, and keep it simple. That’s the right way to ask someone out.
